To the dads (and surrogate dads) who have a date with your daughter coming up,
The Her Knight Dance is fast approaching so my mind is constantly on my responsibilities to help the nights go off without a hitch. I met with our photography team a couple days ago, and two of my colleagues are new to the dance. Awesome veteran photographers (which is why I picked them,) but fresh faces none the less. One of the main points I wanted to stress had nothing to do with photography at all. It had to do with you dads.
To me, the Her Knight Dance isn’t really about dancing, food, fun, or photography at all. The night is about bringing fathers and daughters together for a special time. It’s about YOUR relationship with YOUR daughter. It’s about HER and HER need for YOU in her life.
I hope you know how ridiculously important you are to her. Even if she acts like the opposite is true. I know you have heard all this before and perhaps are a little callous to it. It’s almost cliché, right? Don’t discount it. Let me tell you…
I am a daughter
I had a wonderful relationship with my Dad. Really wonderful. And it was all to his credit. I remember countless times of going to find him in his wood shop and I just wanted to see what he was doing. I didn’t actually care, but I just liked being around him. He always seemed happy to see me when I came to see him. He would explain in detail his project- the tools, and what they did, the reason he was using this kind of wood, and so on… I’d participate and offer my opinion, or even change the subject entirely. He didn’t mind. He genuinely was interested in listening to me no matter the topic.
I’d even call him at work just to say Hi. He answered the phone and was happy to hear me on the other end even though I probably was interrupting him. Still he talked with me for a minute first before he had to go back to work. And let me say, I have quite the nose for fake. Not one tiny time was he fake-nice or fake-interested. You just can’t fake that year after year.
And it was year after year.
It was day after day, year after year of this man being genuinely interested in me. That investment he had in me as a child, didn’t stop or get weird when I was a teenager. He was still interested in me and my aspirations, my favorite subjects in school, and and and. Weird things happened (really it’s not weird at all) as a result of this relationship he chose to have with me…
PUTTY.
I respected and obeyed him. Not perfectly of course. But I had a deep sense that he had my best in mind when he instructed me and when he disciplined me. It’s not that difficult to obey someone if you have a deep trust in them. That was what happened. I was like putty. I would have done anything for that man. And to this day I still will. Funny how that is.
I passed up all the canned tuna.
This also trained my taste. If the primary “man” in my life when I was a child, and when I was a teenager, was consistently happy to see me, interested in me, encouraged me, had conversations with me, was eager to teach me new things, never lied to me, was patient with me… what does that do for my taste in the guys I would date? It’s not difficult to connect the dots.
He elevated my taste to lobster… so canned tuna would never do. He never once had to coax me away from a bad boyfriend. He’d been showing me what a prince was all along.
But this post isn’t about me, its about you.
I sincerely want to encourage you. I have come through childhood and adolescence and now I’m married to a wonderful man, and the cycle continues. I’ve seen what a rich, healthy relationship with a father is like, and I want that for your daughters.
I know that right now, today, dad-hood can be very very difficult. You might have a snotty (literally) two year old, or a sassy four year old who you may or may not enjoy playing make-believe with. You might have a 10 year old who is developing (heaven help you, right!?) into a young woman, and your relationship is stressed maybe because you’re not as cool to her as you once were. Maybe you have real respect and discipline issues at home. Obviously I have no idea your specifics, but I want to cheer you on to press on! I know your patience is thin at times and your energy is drained, but keep going!
I’ve gotten to shoot Her Knight Dance for many years now and I’m captivated by watching dads and daughters. Sometimes they’re uber sweet to one another, and sometimes I can tell Dad is counting down the minutes til this kid is in bed. While I totally get that, please don’t let that turn into your ‘normal.’ Hang on and pursue her heart. Teach her and listen to her. This is HARD work, but so worth it.
🙂
I hope you have a lovely time at the dance with your daughter, step daughter, granddaughter, foster daughter, niece, or even little sister. I’m so happy for her that she has you to take her to to this wonderful night. It is huge that you are loving her in this way.
If I see you with her, and I can tell she is pushing your buttons, mouthing off, whining, or even having a melt down right then and there, I promise I am praying for YOU. And I’m cheering you on in my heart.
…I have a sneaking suspicion I am not the only one…
